HOW DO YOU HANDLE OFFENSE WHEN IT CONTINUES TO GO ON

By Durrell Dixon | Faith-Based Personal Development Coach & Christian Psychology Advocate                                                                     

The Purpose Behind Slow and Painful Experiences

God sometimes leads us into offensive experiences—those difficult, frustrating seasons that seem to drag on forever. He already knows we’d rather avoid them, yet He uses them with divine intention. These experiences reveal what lies deep within our hearts: it could be a tendency to doubt Him, dependency on our own strength, or leaning more on our way than on the faith He gives us.

Just as gold is refined through fire (1 Peter 1:7), our faith matures through slow, uncomfortable testing. In psychology, this process aligns with transformational resilience—the capacity to grow stronger through adversity (Carvalho et al., 2021). God uses these seasons not to punish us, but to refine and align us with His will.

Reflection: What is God exposing or refining in you through your current discomfort?

The Conflict Between Our Will and God’s Will

Every believer eventually faces a moment where personal desire collides with divine direction. These moments are designed to shape us, not shame us. God gives us opportunities to choose: Will I hold onto my way, or surrender to His?

The Apostle Paul described this inner conflict when he said, “For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out” (Romans 7:18 NIV). Psychologically, this is known as cognitive dissonance—the tension we feel when our beliefs and actions don’t align (Festinger, 1957).

But when that tension is surrendered to God, it becomes transformative. A 2022 study on faith-based cognitive restructuring found that Christians who integrated prayer and Scripture into their decision-making showed higher emotional stability and life satisfaction (Hook et al., 2022).

Action Step: The next time your will conflicts with God’s, pause and pray: “Lord, align my thoughts and desires with Yours.”

God’s Method: Transformation Through Surrender

Transformation doesn’t happen instantly—it’s a process that’s thorough and complete. God isn’t in a hurry because He’s shaping your heart and mind. Romans 12:2 calls this “the renewing of your mind,” which involves releasing old patterns and receiving new spiritual insight.

Research in positive psychology supports this biblical process. According to a 2023 study in the Journal of Positive Psychology, lasting change comes from meaning-based reflection—actively making sense of trials through faith and purpose (Park et al., 2023). In other words, transformation happens not by trying harder, but by surrendering deeper.

Practical Tip: Journal or meditate on what God might be renewing in your thoughts, attitudes, or expectations during your current trial.

You’re Not Failing Because You Can’t Find Something Positive to Say

When faced with an offensive experience, many of us try to “stay positive.” But eventually, that emotional energy runs out. We start to feel guilty, thinking we’re not spiritual enough or that we’re letting God down.

Here’s the truth: God isn’t asking you to pretend that pain feels good. He’s asking you to believe—to trust that His promises still stand even when the situation feels unbearable.

Faith, according to Hebrews 11:1, is not about seeing immediate good but believing that good exists because God does. Recent Christian psychological research shows that authentic faith, not forced optimism, is what sustains emotional well-being through hardship (Dein & Cook, 2021).

Encouragement: Don’t chase positivity; pursue faith. God is not looking for a cheerful performance—He’s cultivating a trusting heart.

Believing God in the Middle of the Offense

When you can’t make sense of what’s happening, focus on who God is. His promises are not circumstantial; they’re eternal. Believing God means remembering His character—His faithfulness, wisdom, and goodness—while everything else feels uncertain.

In psychological terms, this faith-based trust builds spiritual resilience—a mindset that allows believers to interpret suffering through divine meaning and purpose (Yoon et al., 2022). The more we believe God’s truth over our emotions, the more we align with His peace.

Challenge: Each morning, declare one promise of God aloud—something that reminds you who He is, not just what you need.

 

Offensive experiences are never wasted. God uses them to reveal, refine, and renew us. What feels offensive is often offering—a sacred invitation to deeper faith and freedom.

When you stop asking “Why me?” and start asking “What are You forming in me?”, you step into transformation. God is not delaying your progress; He’s developing your purpose.


References

  • Carvalho, J. P., Moreira, A., & Alves, R. A. (2021). Transformational resilience and personal growth following adversity: A systematic review. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 680431. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.680431

  • Dein, S., & Cook, C. C. H. (2021). Religion, spirituality, and mental health: Current controversies and future directions. Journal of Religion and Health, 60(5), 3220–3238. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10943-021-01250-4

  • Hook, J. N., Davis, D. E., & Worthington, E. L. (2022). Faith-based cognitive restructuring: Integrating religious beliefs with evidence-based psychological practices. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, 14(3), 317–329. https://doi.org/10.1037/rel0000408

  • Park, C. L., Wortmann, J. H., & Edmondson, D. (2023). Meaning-making and spiritual growth in response to stress and adversity. Journal of Positive Psychology, 18(1), 12–26. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2023.2167598

  • Yoon, J. D., Curlin, F. A., & Koenig, H. G. (2022). Spiritual resilience and faith-based coping: Protective factors in Christian well-being. Journal of Spirituality in Mental Health, 24(2), 127–145. https://doi.org/10.1080/19349637.2021.1897927


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